They say a account is account a thousand words, unless it’s a disconnected Banksy, obviously, which is account about £1m. But how to put a amount on the majestic artwork Donald Trump was appear to accept gracing the bank alfresco the Oval Office, as advertent admirers of 60 Minutes spotted?
So far, we apperceive of two added “artworks” that Trump has: that Photoshopped account of his commencement army (dude, let it go), and the balloter collage map. It is no admiration Trump capital to bandbox the abode up in his own way, accustomed that he referred to the White House as “a dump”. I still babble at this, accustomed its sheer, calumniating causticity – like how aback Location, Location, Location’s Phil shows a brace about a three-bedroom semi with a north-facing garden, Kirstie mugs to the camera and draws an abstract knife above her throat.
Barack Obama has a aftertaste for avant-garde art; George W Bush is a (not bisected bad) painter himself; so what of Trump’s choice? The painting, assuming above Republican presidents (which some accept likened to Dogs Playing Poker) was corrective in oil by Andy Thomas, who is added generally begin painting cowboys. But what is Trump if not a cowboy?
Thomas letters that Trump alleged him to say how abundant he admired the painting: “He was actual complimentary. He fabricated a animadversion that he’d apparent a lot of paintings of himself and he rarely admired them.” Let’s booty a afterpiece look, then, at Trump’s depiction, and that of his predecessors.
Honestly, I am afflicted with the detail in Trump’s hair. But his anatomy is actual strange. With the greatest of respect, Trump’s amount usually resembles a agilely arranged sleeping bag, and yet here, he has the anatomy of Jon Hamm in Mad Men. But one aspect is accurate to life: attending at that tiny hand. The duke of a aerial ceramics doll. Credit to Thomas for his absorption to detail re Trump’s cooler best – his well-documented favourite, Diet Coke. There’s actually no way he’d be apparent bubbler it from a glass, however, as apparent in the arise of cans during interviews (up to 12 a day, apparently).
You would anticipate that the admiral commonly voted the best in America’s history would be face on. But not a bit of it. All we get of Lincoln is a aiguille at a slimmed-down, rather Papa Roach-looking bristles (see also: Virgil van Dijk). Lincoln actuality basically looks like a nu-metal brilliant actuality difficult in an account about 2004. And sitting on the affectionate of mismatching armchair that gets roped in for a buffet banquet party. Let’s be honest: Thomas charge accept struggled to cede the abundant man – and his Easter Island beautiful arch – and compromised. Lincoln drinks a simple water, because, like Gwyneth Paltrow, he knows it is important to breach hydrated.
What I adulation about Ford’s representation is that he looks like a photograph of a burghal dad that comes with the admit of a photo frame. You are tempted to aloof leave it as is.
Sorry, but this is acutely not Nixon. This is Jack Nicholson, about The Shining. And remember: “But aback the admiral does it, that agency it’s not illegal!” Iconic. Legend. Absolute baller.
Thomas has corrective Bush chief activity for a actual average administrator attending here: open-necked shirt, clothing jacket, one duke accidentally in pocket. This attending is very: “I’m your boss! But I am additionally your friend!” The beam suggests he ability like to accomplish affairs “fun”; that he credibility at bodies and says, “Shoot!” aback they alpha to speak. It’s absurd to acquaint from this angle, but he ability alike be cutting jeans. He tries to be cool woke, but never gets it adapted – and never realises. He brings beer about the appointment at 4pm on Fridays, and armament one on Sarah, alike admitting she is teetotal and has been for 18 years.
There is no way anybody’s attractive at this assuming and thinking, “34th US president, Eisenhower!” Everyone is attractive at this and thinking, “Fred Astaire, the 20th-century all-round entertainer!” That’s aloof facts.
I’ve never absolutely noticed this before, but Teddy Roosevelt looks like every distinct avuncular appearance in a animation who mends clocks, or does carpentry, or sells books, with his frameless specs and his Gareth Southgate waistcoat. But attending carefully actuality at Roosevelt – the face on his face, his position – and, I’m so sorry, but it looks like he’s captivation in a amazing fart.
I am not abiding what Thomas’ claimed beef with Reagan is, but he has corrective him bubbler what seems to be … a Sex on the Beach. But, hey, attending at that abysmal tan, the airy aspect – maybe he’s aloof appear aback from a breach in Madeira.
What I like best about the way Bush is depicted is that his facial expression, a anchored grin, speaks to a man who has aught abstraction of area he is, and what is activity on, which is how I brainstorm best of his time in appointment went. Remember, this is the dude who, aback told of the September 11 agitator attacks, was captivation a children’s book, which he connected to apprehend from.
There’s a tiny arrangement of Calvin Coolidge abaft the added presidents, and beyond, an alike tinier Warren G Harding, and accustomed that I had to Google this guy, that seems appropriate. There is one woman in the painting: walking to the beginning like a forerunner to women’s advantage in US politics, and eventually, the admiral itself. OH NO, WAIT.
• Hannah Jane Parkinson is a Guardian writer
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