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Pope Francis is hip to amusing media and cares about the environment. His new air-conditioned Popemobile is a convertible Hyundai. But the head that the poor pope has to sit in while he’s in Manhattan is freaking architecture blasphemy. It’s so ugly, it’s ungodly. How in heaven’s name did we get into this mess?

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Pope Francis is one arctic dude. So “simple” was the cannonball from the Vatican, who capital to accumulate the pope’s basic accordance abounding on his trip. That’s why you won’t see any blingtastic gilded spikes or blatant clover poufs during this apostolic visit.

Simple can be great. Here’s the armchair fabricated for his Mass in Washington DC, which he’ll bear at Catholic University:

This was the champ of a apprentice competition. Clean lines, admirable wood. I absolutely adulation it.

Here’s the armchair he’ll use during his Philly visit, which was advised and fabricated by inmates at a bounded correctional facility:

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This one looks abnormally nice—a chic six-foot walnut head that’s absolutely befitting a pope.

When he comes to New York City a few canicule after he’ll sit in this armchair from a particleboard-backed dining set begin at a Goodwill in 1992:

Pope Francis ability appetite to accumulate affairs for his appointment on the DL but there’s no agnosticism that the Mass actuality captivated in Madison Square Garden this anniversary is like the Super Bowl of religious services. So it’s not hasty that all the planning for the Mass has collapsed to “Billy Joel’s lighting designer”—he has his own committed lighting designer?—who absitively that the apostolic armchair should attending like the centerpiece for a VH1 Legends special.

The armchair was advised not by a bounded appliance artist but by a assembly aggregation in LA that specializes in sets for Tom Petty shows. Not aloof Tom Petty, though. They architecture sets for lots of added bodies you agree with the Pope back it comes to access and respect: Don Henley, Sarah McLachlan, Third Eye Blind.

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Then the armchair was bogus out of plywood by three day-laborer craftsmen at a nonprofit in Port Chester, New York. Hey, that part’s absolutely absolute cool! But why didn’t they let them architecture it, too?

[Update: I accept additionally abstruse that the cushions for the armchair were fabricated by a aggregation in Greenwich, Connecticut. Because there are absolutely no upholstery casework in New York City!]

Archbishop of New York Cardinal Timothy Dolan unveils the armchair at Madison Square Garden

When the armchair was apparent at a columnist appointment beforehand this month, its best advancing affection was revealed: It appears as if the armchair is advised to bout the absolute Knicks adornment of Madison Square Garden. Is the copse absolutely declared to attending like it was broken out of the floorboards of centermost cloister and slapped up with a few white vinyl cushions from a adjacent affluence box?

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The armchair is not alone an abuse to our eyes, it is a apologetic adumbrative of bounded culture. We should all be angered by this blunder but if I was a New York artist I would be decidedly incensed. First of all, it’s awkward that a close based in California got the gig over any of the bags of abundant New York designers who specialize in designing chairs. Not that they alike had to body article new. It seems like it ability accept been a decidedly alarming time to analyze the city’s aberrant architecture history. Hey, this pope is all about extenuative accustomed resources. Why not acquisition him a abundant best armchair reclaimed from a adjacent cathedral? How about—gasp—something borrowed!

As a accelerating baton on the all-around front, Pope Francis deserves our best accommodating hospitality. We’ve accustomed him the apostolic agnate of a La-Z-Boy covered in a attenuate appearance of authenticity. The pope will be sitting not in an absolute armchair but in a prop that would be added at home in a basketball-themed man cavern about in the Midwest. Then again, I accept that’s the American way.

Follow the columnist at @awalkerinLA

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